God Bowl!

Dear God… it’s Dave. Well, we’re only a day away from Super Bowl XLI. Where are You watching the game? Just kidding, of course. I know You and Jesus are catching all the action on the best plasma screen eternity has to offer while knocking back a few cold ones and noshing on some killer guacamole.

Obviously, the big game has gotten a ton of press, but this year there’s been a little extra coverage. Not just because we have African-American head coaches participating for the first time, but also because both coaches are good God fearing Christians. That’s right, Indianapolis head coach Tony Dungy and Chicago head coach Lovie Smith are down with Christ! And online Christian publications are all over the story. And why shouldn’t they be? Clearly, Coach Dungy and Coach Smith prayed harder than everyone else in the NFL and that’s why You ushered their teams into the Super Bowl. Isn’t it?

"The Lord set this up in a way that no one would believe it," said Dungy, according to the Baptist Press. "The Lord tested us a lot this year, but He set this up to get all the glory."

Um… with all due respect, Dungy’s right. I don’t believe it. Because, God, if You did, in fact, set this up to get all the glory, You’re not doing a very good job. All I’ve heard from the around the clock Super Bowl media machine are stories about the Bears and the Colts. I’ve also heard stories about past champions and their legacies. Your name has hardly come up. You know, except for those Christian publications. But really, who reads those? Perhaps I should wait until game day to pass judgment. There’s always a chance You’re glory will come in the form of one of those high-priced, star-studded Super Bowl commercials. I just hope yours isn’t the one starring Kevin Federline.

In addition to setting the game up for Your own personal glory, I’m glad to see You set this up for these two deserving African-American coaches. Putting them in the Super Bowl was a fantastic way to make up for all the years of bigotry and racism these guys and their ancestors probably endured over the past four hundred years. As an all-controlling entity that personally places Your loyalist followers in the Super Bowl, I assume You could have intervened at any point in history and wiped the scourge of racism from the earth. But You didn’t. I’ve never understood why. Perhaps making sure good Christians like Dungy and Smith won sports titles took up too much of your time.

So how do You decide who wins? Since both coaches are big fans of Yours, how do you pick one over the other? It would seem difficult. Almost like a Sophie’s Choice situation. Does it come down to who prays the most the week of the game? Or which team’s fans are more Christian? Or which team’s players are more Christian? If it does come down to the players, Chicago fans can start blaming Tank Johnson for the loss.

Like most Americans, I know I’ll be watching the Colts and Bears on Sunday. And if there’s any way for You to send me “a sign” that might indicate who’s going to win and by how much, I’d really appreciate it. After all, that information could prove very useful. Rent was due two days ago. But if You don’t want to give away this year’s winner, I completely understand. You could always just give me the total amount of points scored. Or who’s going to win the coin flip.

Anyway, thanks for your time. And good luck in Your squares pool.

Sincerely,
Dave