An Inconvenient Request

Dear God… it’s Dave. Now that it’s August there’s a lot of media coverage regarding how hot it is all over the U.S. of A. I know this happens every summer, mostly because August is a dreadfully slow news month, but this year the late summer heat seems particularly newsworthy because of the buzz surrounding global warming. The environmental issue is all the rage again in part because of the timeliness and success of Al Gore’s movie “An Inconvenient Truth” and, in part, because it seems the ice caps are disappearing faster than Nicole Richie. Okay, maybe not that fast. I mean, have you seen her lately? Anyway, the good news is we don’t have anything to fear because You’re going to fix everything that’s wrong with planet earth. Well, You are, aren’t You?

As we all know, it took You six days to create the earth. So I figure it shouldn’t take You that long to clean it up. Probably three days, but what the hell, if You need a week, go ahead and take it. I’m no expert on all that’s wrong with our planet, but I figure if you just cooled things down a touch, added a little extra precipitation in some key areas – obviously not New Orleans – and cleaned up the atmosphere, we’d probably be okay. No problem, right?

Over the last hundred years you’ve had a front row seat to watch industrialized nations rape and pillage the globe. And while I’m sure You’ve been tempted to intervene, You’ve resisted because You figured humans should be responsible for fixing the damage they’ve caused. While I understand that position, I don’t think that’s going to work out. See, when I was a boy and I made a mess in my room, my mother made me clean it up. This taught me responsibility. However, if I had somehow managed to drop and anvil through my bedroom floor, I’m pretty sure she would’ve handled that one for me. And that’s where I think we are with the earth. I think we’ve dropped an anvil through the floor.

I suppose you could argue that we humans, particularly Americans, have the power and resources to begin reversing the damage that’s been done. But let’s get real. You’ve seen how Americans operate. More importantly, you’ve seen how our government operates. If you need a tax cut, or a country bombed, or a brain dead woman saved, we’re your guys. If you need radical change to the way our citizens live their lives and do business in order to save the world and benefit all of mankind… well, we’re not so good at that. So I’m asking you God, subject of my blogging, please intervene. Please fix the planet. And please give Nicole Richie something to eat… preferably something high in carbohydrates. Thanks.

Your buddy,
Dave