The World Cup

Dear God... it's Dave. You know which one. Recently I caught a case of World Cup fever as it spread all over Your great planet. I'm better now and the itching and swelling has subsided. But after watching Italy defeat France in penalty kicks, I was left with one nagging question... why isn't the United States better at soccer?

I mean, come on, God, aren't we Your favorite nation? You remember, "One nation under God," "In God we trust," "God bless America"? If we're Your favorite, how come we can't seem to find eleven guys who can put a ball in a net? I mean, countries that generate less revenue than the McDonald's down the street are better than us. We couldn't win one stinking game. And don't bring up the game against Italy. That was a tie and the Italian guy scored the goal for us. Why is this great nation (a nation under God I might remind you) so bad at this simple game?

Is it possible that You're being wrathful and making us bad because of the whole "no ten commandments in the courthouses" and "no prayer in public schools" stuff? If it is, I think You're being a little petty. Also, I'd like to point out that if it does have anything to do with some personal displeasure with America, I don't think that's fair. I mean, sure America has it's faults, but we certainly have a better track record than Germany over the last century and they got to host the World Cup and they finished third.

Anyway, if you happen to have any answers, let me know. Also, see what you can do about bestowing some actual soccer skills upon the millions of American children who are wasting their parents' Saturday mornings kicking that stupid ball around. Thanks and have a nice day.

Your buddy,
Dave